Monday, February 4, 2013

CLC Kissing Scene Competition

You guys know I rarely post writing here, but this was too fun to pass up. Cupid's Literary Connection is having a kissing scene contest, and I just got to the hot first kiss in the manuscript I'm revising!

This comes from my YA manuscript FALL TO PIECES. After an accident at a concert that leads to her losing her leg, wannabe rockstar Meridian has had to forgo the transient life she has with her travel-writing mother. She moves to suburban Massachusetts to live with with her aunt, uncle and cousin, Natalie. Most people in town think she’s an attention-seeking brat, except for Kyle, the boy next door, who is the only one who doesn’t treat her like a snobbish foreigner. In this scene, they’re sitting in her front yard, waiting for her aunt to get home.

“I have a theory about why you’re avoiding me,” Kyle said.

“I’m not one of your characters. You can’t dissect me.” I reached for my crutches, but his breath was brushing my cheek in a way I couldn’t bring myself to pull away from.

“You’ve never told anyone so much about yourself. You’re used to people either knowing everything already, or not caring about the past.”

I put one hand against the trunk of the tree and lifted my butt up a couple of inches.

“Don’t.” His pressed his hand against my knee—my left knee. His face didn’t show that he’d even noticed where his fingers landed. He didn’t care.

“Your freckles,” I said, tilting his face to examine them. “They’re like tiny clusters of musical notes without a scale.” He leaned back a little and squinted at me. I smiled. He didn’t always know what I was thinking. “I wonder what they’d sound like.”

“Can you play them?” he asked. The blush in his cheeks went up a notch, and the curiosity in his eyes was even more intense than it got whenever I told him about my most fascinating Parisian nights. 

“You know it.” I pressed my lips against one of the freckles, then moved it down to the next one, varying speeds based on the width of the dots, like they were whole-notes and eightth-notes dancing around without a time stamp. “How’m I doing?”

Writer Boy didn’t respond with words. He moved his neck just enough for our mouths to meet, and in the beat before my mind processed the tingling in my lips, I realized that silence could express as much emotion as song.

Kyle kissed without desperation or impatience. He put his arms around me, but his hands didn’t go straight to my waistband. Too soon, he drew back. The flower slipped out of my hair, but he caught it. He swept it across my mouth and then offered it to me. “I just want you to know, it’s okay. You can tell me things. Anything you want. I won’t….”


  1. This is sweet. Kyle sounds like a really nice guy.

  2. I love how much we learn about the characters' personalities and passions in such a short time: the music-note freckles, the way she calls him "Writer Boy" it's all so sweet!

  3. the final paragraph is FABULOUS. i've been reading lots of scenes today, and so many of them cut out before processing the character's feelings about the kiss. yours doesn't. many other scenes also really get into the desperation of it all, but i love that you specifically described his patience and confidence. there's no emergency. it makes your scene stand out.

  4. This was sweet! I really liked it all, but I especially loved the second to last paragaph. Really gorgeous writing.

  5. Aw, I loved this scene. I've always liked the relationships that begin as friendships first best, and you can really sense that here. Great job! --Saybe (Kissing Scene #23)

  6. I love the saltiness of Meridian, the sweetness of Kyle and how you've brought these two together. The way you've materfully balanced the tension (emotionally, physically and through the dialogue)between these characters made this scene a joy to read.

    Although Meridian would probably strangle me for calling her cute, I think these characters are totally deserving of a "Cutest Couple Award" if it were up to me.

    Good luck!

    1. Thanks! yeah==Meri wouldn't like that, but I would. (And actually, don't tell anyone, so would she)

  7. I loved your scene. Mostly because the characters felt so real and adorably likable, and because they're dealing with a very deep plot that's a bit heavier than most YA books. I loved the whole playing of the freckles. That's got to be one of the most beautiful bits of writing and character development I've ever read. Ever. Best of luck in the contest.

    Maggie #27

  8. I love, love, love this scene. Gorgeous writing, particularly the idea that she finds passion and music even in the silence. "Playing" his freckles with her kisses? I don't know how you thought of this, but it's brilliant.
    --Barb (#38)

  9. I agree with what everyone else said, about her being a bit salty and him being a bit sweet, but how perfect they are together :) They are totally a cute couple...and her playing his freckles like music notes, LOVE that! That is so creative, big kudos for being so original! Good luck!

    Virginia #7

  10. *Kissing Expert Here*

    You got me WRITE IN THE KISSER with this one.

    There are so many things I love about this scene and your set up. Playing the freckles is a stroke of genius. And his hand landing on her knee and not caring speaks VOLUMES about his character and that one movement. Their salt and sweet works beautifully.

    Well done.

  11. I have to agree with everyone else before me. The playing the freckles thing and the fact she calls him Writer Boy is so cute!

    I did get a little confused when she was trying to get up. Was she mad and trying to leave? I don't know. I read it a couple of times and feel like I missed something.

    There was so much to love about this one that even though I was a little confused, I didn't even care. I would definitely keep reading. Meridian and Kyle both sound like awesome characters!

    I'd wish you good luck but I see you've already popped one of the judges right in the kisser so no luck needed!

    -Amber (#41)
    My Kissing Scene

  12. LOVE this! The freckle kissing...SO cute (and unique). Great job!!!

  13. Great great scene. Love the freckle kissing and all the little details here. Well done!

    Larissa (#47)

  14. Great dialogue. I really liked the naturalness of your writing and how real both characters were. Nice job.
    Laura, Kiss #33, BSD #112

  15. As soon as I read this I knew you were getting an award! So much good stuff here! I could see both characters' personalities coming out in this short scene. Also, the premise sounds awesome.

    Anneka (kiss#51)

  16. First of all, what an awesome concept for a YA! This is unique and fresh and I hope it gets published soon :)

    To the scene: from the moment she speaks - I have a strong sense of Mer's (can I call her Mer?) character. This is not easy to do - so kudos to you!

    And the freckles/playing notes. Gah! Amazing!

    From start to finish (with the brush of the flower across her lips) you rocked this scene, and I am not surprised you are moving on to the final kissing round - best of luck to you!
    Melonie (kiss #29)

    1. Thanks! (And yes, you can call her Mer. ;-))